Black bile

The word of mouth spreads quicker than any halo impressions we might conjure. Limitations on our abstract unmeasurable ability deepens the troubled soul among us. A resentful vindicative evaluation from others has been intermitting in my mind. It has caused me to aburptly awake in the middle of my dreams and kept distracting my attention in the midst of much needed concentration activities. I must warn my ego that its persona is no longer entertaining in a intellectual sense nor it is appealling in social gatherings. A lost of appetite in self actualizing and specific developmental skills has strengthen this notion. The origins of such deterioriating feature are located in an obsucure place I presume. Hidden beneath the layers of blanket sheets used to keep us warm, behind the tapestry of ancient history, and above the cosmic enterprize blind to the naked eyes.

In a whirl pool of flying questions, most of them unanswered, I'm gripping the stairway rails to find balance and moving in a normative pace. I begin to disavow the past attribution created by my past ideal self. I often wish that at those period of flawed decisions, an angle had freed me from all incongruity. However, none is there a concept of free lunch. It's all hard earn (painful) experience. This fixation on modifying the past is only taking casualities. I had lots of insight teachers - although maybe not enough - to lecture me on this retrogressive state. Albeit, I just have'nt been able to contact the right man on the right job. I wonder when he'll show up.

I'm off, guys. If you catch me doing self-hypnosis, well it's to psych me up for taking a brave stance for myself and not for what others deem to be appropriate.